Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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