it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
