i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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