Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
