it wasn't lemon gatorade
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
