i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
