This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
