Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
