Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
