the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
