Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
