Cold hands, warm shart.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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