Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
