I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
