Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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