When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Shame - the story of my life.
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