either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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