He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
