Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
