when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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