y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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