Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
