do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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