omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
