Will you blow on my dice?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
