East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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