One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
