Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
