you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
