"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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