you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
