Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
