So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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