Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
