take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
