You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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