why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
