And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
