This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
