just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
