Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
