I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
