So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
