I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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