yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
