Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
