Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
