Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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