Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
