When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
